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The End Of The World Postponed?! BUT I HAVE ALL THESE BEANS!

We take an uncharacteristic but momentary break from our ongoing coverage of Underwear Dances to bring you some IMPORTANT NEWS. From Yahoo!:

It’s a good news/bad news situation for believers in the 2012 Mayan apocalypse. The good news is that the Mayan “Long Count” calendar may not end on Dec. 21, 2012 (and, by extension, the world may not end along with it). The bad news for prophecy believers? If the calendar doesn’t end in December 2012, no one knows when it actually will – or if it has already.

A new critique, published as a chapter in the new textbook “Calendars and Years II: Astronomy and Time in the Ancient and Medieval World” (Oxbow Books, 2010), argues that the accepted conversions of dates from Mayan to the modern calendar may be off by as much as 50 or 100 years. That would throw the supposed and overhyped 2012 apocalypse off by decades and cast into doubt the dates of historical Mayan events. (The doomsday worries are based on the fact that the Mayan calendar ends in 2012, much as our year ends on Dec. 31.)

Are you fucking kidding me? I know that I’m supposed to be happy that I’ve got a few more years to hug my great grandchildren and tell them what it was like when dirt cost a nickel, but I was kind of counting on this whole 2012 thing. That was my ticket out of here! What, I have to buy a gun now? WHERE AM I GOING TO GET A GUN IN THE UNITED STATES?! Ugh. This is the worst! I need an apocalyptic cataclysm just to get over my apocalyptic cataclysm. Download my blog.

And now, back to LIZARDS DRINKING ORANGE JUICE NEWS.