The 2012 Report: Spike TV Announces Coal Mining Reality Show

Less than 24 hours after the last of 33 Chilean miners was heroically rescued from the CENTER OF THE EARTH, Spike TV makes an IMPORTANT TELEVISION ANNOUNCEMENT. From the Hollywood Reporter:

Spike TV is set to announce a mining reality series from the producers of “Deadliest Catch.”

The network has ordered “Coal,” a docuseries chronicling the dangerous profession of coal mining set in West Virginia. The series is executive produced by reality powerhouse Thom Beers and his Original Prods.

Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me! This is a joke, yes? Let me look at the calendar, because it seems impossible to me that I could have gone to bed in October and woken up on April 1st, but I have been very tired lately, so I suppose anything is possible. OH WAIT, NO, IT IS IN FACT JUST THE NEXT DAY AND THIS IS NOT A PRANK AT ALL. Unbelievable. And also unacceptable. Oh, and also, while just fundamentally as an idea and as a moment in time this is terrible and NOPE, but also read this part:

With the rescue of 33 Chilean miners drawing international headlines, the project should have little trouble generating interest from viewers and the media. But Spike executives note that “Coal” has been in development for nearly a year.

“It didn’t take a tragedy, and then a miracle, to get us excited about this,” said Sharon Levy, executive vp original programming at Spike. “Obviously, we’re humongous fans of the kind of shows Thom does that celebrate the everyday man. He said, ‘We’re working on this project called “Coal,” ‘ and we said we’d take it.”

IT DIDN’T TAKE A TRAGEDY, AND THEN A MIRACLE, TO GET US EXCITED ABOUT THIS, BUT IT DIDN’T HURT. Incredible thing to say! I know that I’m not an Industry Executive with Thousands of Years of Publicity Experience, but here is my pro-tip: if you are announcing a reality show based on an incredibly dangerous profession the day after the world sat collectively rapt at just how dangerous (and terrifying) that profession is, a) don’t do that, and b) if you are still going to do that, let the gross timing of your announcement and the tasteless drumming up of interest in your garbage television show on the literal backs of survivors go unspoken. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACTUALLY BE SO ON THE NOSE ABOUT THE THING THAT YOU ARE DOING BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I feel like I’ve been typing in ALL CAPS a little bit more than usual lately, but that is just because the world needs to SHAPE UP! Here everyone on Earth, I bought you something: