Gwyneth Paltrow’s “Country Strong” Music Video Is A Liar

Gwyneth Paltrow is the worst. We know that. It’s painfully well documented. She’s the human embodiment of pampered self-satisfaction. In addition to wearing underwear made out of truffles and bathing her face in baby unicorn milk, she calls potato chips “crisps” and says things like “my head weighs eight stone.” But, in addition to being the worst, she’s also a professional actress. In that sense, it is fine for her to be in movies where she doesn’t necessarily ooze liquid gold from her tiny perfect pores and the perpetual glow of a mind unhindered by introspection or consideration of the world around one’s self. Characters, I mean. It’s OK for her to play characters. That’s her job! And, if we’re going to be honest, it’s not like other people in Hollywood (or, I guess, a castle in London or some shit?) are any less self-absorbed. They all use packs of $100 bills for sole-uppers in their too-tight diamond shoes (because they are all much shorter than you would think).

But what the shit is this music video shit? While the song itself is based on a role, the video is not a role, it is just straight up Gwyneth Paltrow taking a break from knitting her children three-piece space suits for the brisk journey to their summer moon cottage to sing a song about riding a “dirty bus from the Midwest.” GET THOSE WORDS OUT OF YOUR IMPOSSIBLY SOFT MOUTH, YOU ASSHOLE. YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT A BUS IS! (Note to Gwyneth: It’s like a giant lorry, but with horrible civilians inside.) At one point she is holding an acoustic guitar (this song is not acoustic) for two seconds and when we cut back she is not holding it? Just a big fucking lie is what this all is.

She is literally not from around here. (Via ComingSoon