Videogum

That’s Your Band: Imperial Stars

There’s a band that no one has ever heard of (your band) called Imperial Stars. In an effort to change that, they (you) pulled a really obnoxious publicity stunt yesterday. From LA Times:

In the land where publicity stunts are daily fare, it’s hard to grab the attention of Los Angeles residents, but messing with traffic (as President Obama recently learned when he was in town) is a start. Add a local music band that decided to park its truck diagonally across three lanes of southbound traffic on the 101 Freeway, hop out and hold an impromptu (free!) concert, and you’ve got a stunt that, well, stopped traffic.

Three audacious — and now arrested — musicians scrambled atop their truck, plugged in their guitars and launched into a rendition of a song called — wait for it — “Traffic Jam 101.”

Ugh. There is certainly no better way than to get people pumped for what you’re doing than to force them into an unnecessary traffic jam. Countless scientific studies have proven time and again that being stuck in traffic is one of the most relaxing experiences human beings encounter. Thus the expression “road relaxation.” ANYWAY, this is what that fucking nightmare looked like:

Now, at first, fair enough. I mean, not fair enough, that’s awful. But we do live in a society that encourages people to engage in ever more reckless attempts to GET SOME FUCKING ATTENTION BEFORE WE ALL DIE. Besides, maybe Imperial Stars, the band that you founded and are definitely in, just has terrible ideas of how to promote their otherwise really excellent music. OH, WHOOPS, NO. After the jump, the music video for Imperial Stars “Traffic Jam 101.” A quick note before you press play: stab your eyes and ears out and cut your head off and bury it in salted ground. OK, let’s go!

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA.

AHHHHHHH.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I mean, I know taste is subjective, but it isn’t THAT subjective. HOLY COW. Here is how bad this is: if you died and went to hell and the devil offered you the choice of two rooms in which to spend all eternity listening to the same song on repeat at full volume and the options were the Imperial Stars Room and the Brokencyde Room, you would LAUGH IN THE DEVIL’S FACE because EASY PEASY. Needless to say, I’m very glad that everyone from Imperial Stars is in jail. I’m going to make t-shirts that say DON’T FREE IMPERIAL STARS. And I’m going to sell those t-shirts and donate all the proceeds to an Ears Hospital.

I hate your band. So much. (Thanks for the tip, John.)