Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

And thus Andrew Shirvell Week Comes to a close. THANK GOD. As you may have read, Andrew Shirvell has taken a leave of absence from his role as Assistant Attorney General. Whatever THAT means. Like, a two-person leave of absence with bunk beds and iron bars and no toilet seat on the toilet? It’s something, I suppose, but it doesn’t seem like much. Like, what, he’s just going to come back to the office in three weeks with a nice tan and a sore butthole (sorry, but also yes) and everything is cool? Everything is not cool! Whatever. It’s Friday. I’m sure there will be plenty of time to get re-enraged about this on Monday if the need arises. For now: ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND! DO NOT ABUSE EACH OTHER’S PRIVACY OR SENSE OF SELF WORTH, EVEN IF IT IS DONE OFF HOURS!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of this week’s Pope Protest Curb Your Enthusiasm Photobomb Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice:

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 Mans | Sep 29th Score:117

He’s my boyfriend, but he wants to keep it on the down low.

Posted in: That’s Your Boyfriend: Andrew Shirvell
#4 cakeordeath | Sep 29th Score:121

At first I was like

But then I was like

Posted in: That’s Your Boyfriend: Andrew Shirvell
#3 huckabeast | Sep 24th Score:137

Dear Outsourced,

A mutual friend has a thought for you:


Posted in: Dear Outsourced, Please Kill Yourself
#2 werttrew | Sep 27th Score:174

graphic courtesy of Lakonislate

Dear Videogum Staff: I would like to thank you for reviewing the 2009 film Amelia, the biopic about aviatrix Amelia Earhart starring Hilary Swank and Richard Gere, for The Worst Movie of All Time. As you noted, this was a truly awful film.

With every word of this review, I felt a pleasant, warm sensation. WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL REVIEW(S)! It resulted in mirthful laughter and frequent smiles. I felt relaxed and happy, and the deep scarring that resulted from this film can now finally heal. Were there tears of joy? No, because I’m a man and incapable of getting in touch with my emotions on a deep level and I don’t cry when I’m happy. But I was joyful, yes. Words can’t express my joy. But maybe a gif can?

Yeah, reading this WMOAT of Amelia was pretty much like that. Thus closes my campaign to have this film WMOAT-ed, and unlike the film, this has reach a great and satisfying conclusion. Good day and thank you for all you’ve done.

It has been a pleasure. Again, thank you.

Posted in: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Amelia
#1 Patrick M | Sep 24th Score:327

It’s because their minstrel cycles are synced up.

Posted in: Dear Outsourced, Please Kill Yourself

[Ed. note: I would just like to congratulate Patrick M on what I think might be the highest rated comment in Videogum Herstory (can someone confirm? And by someone I mean almost certainly werttrew?), both on his herstoric achievement, and on writing an impossibly funny comment. Both! It’s nice when things work out that way!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

whyistheretapeonyournose | Sep 27th Score:-48
What a let down this is the Hilary Swank movie…. I thought this was gonna be a WMOAT for that crappy French movie, “Amelie.” I was waiting all week for this. WHAT A LETDOWN. …Not many people have heard of it, but boy does it stink. Ugh.

Posted in: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Amelia

[Ed. note: Hard to tell what, exactly is going on here. People are either mad that someone would nominate Amelie for the Hunt because they like Amelie, which is a pretty classic way to end up here. Or, it could be that people were frustrated that someone doesn’t share their enthusiasm for the long-awaited Amelia entry. In either case, kind of seems like a non-starter. Although, when you say that not many people have heard of it, you’re joking, right? You’re making a weird joke that is hard to tell it is a joke and is not really very funny but mostly just confusing but has to be a joke, yes? OK. I thought so.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

[Ed. note: Congratulations, ThisIsMyNightmare. You earned it!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

panda bear | Sep 30th Score:11

Mr. Cox, we have this thing called “you’re an asshole.”

Posted in: That’s Your Boyfriend’s Boyfriend: Mike Cox

[Ed. note: GOT HIM! Don’t forget to follow @Mike_Cox on Twitter and let him know how you feel about public officials publicly supporting hate crimers.]