North Carolina Republican Candidate Renee Elmers’s Campaign Sponsored By Brawndo

As someone who does not live in North Carolina and has very little interest in the politics of North Carolina (NO OFFENSE!), I’ve never heard of Renee Elmers before. I guess she is the Republican candidate running in the second congressional district against Bob Ethridge (whoever THAT is). Fair enough! Good luck! Except that she seems to have built her entire campaign around the “Ground Zero Mosque.” Uh, what? Excuse me, and I know that this is going to sound kind of obvious so I apologize, but WHAT THE FUCK DOES THE GROUND ZERO MOSQUE HAVE TO DO WITH THE SECOND CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT OF NORTH CAROLINA? Unfortunately, that is not one of the questions that Anderson Cooper asked her during his interview about her incendiary campaign ad. However, he did ask her a bunch of other amazing questions, most of which were variations on “Do you have any idea what the fuck you are even talking about ever?” (A: “absolutely not, sir.”)

I know that we’re probably all a little exhausted with the whole Ground Zero Mosque thing, and also that very few of us have a vested interest in the second congressional district of North Carolina, but it is pretty thrilling/horrifying to watch Anderson Cooper straight BAT THIS BALL OF YARN AROUND.

Fuuuuuuck. Is it just me, or are there WAY MORE retarded assholes running for elected office these days? (And I mean “retarded” in the most insensitive and crassly clinical way. As in they are mentally impaired and that I have mean-spirited feelings about them and want to shove them into a locker.) You know what? I hope she wins. I hope all these people win. I hope they “take back the country” and water the White House Rose Garden with Brawndo, because those plants definitely need the electrolytes their stems crave. What is the worst that could happen? The inevitable and almost instantaneous collapse of the world as we know it* followed by a brief period of anarchic living nightmare followed by the eternal night? Sure. But that would probably be preferable to having to listen to this BULLSHIT anymore. VOTE RENEE ELMERS ON NOVEMBER 2ND! FOUR MORE YEARS! (Thanks for the tip, Benjamin.)

*I recognize it is kind of hyperbolic (but only kind of) to suggest that the world would instantaneously collapse if the Renee Elmerses of the world were elected, and I can certainly understand how it might suggest to someone with different political views than mine that I am having an insulting, knee-jerk reaction that would offend me were it to be inverted and turned towards people on “my side” of things. But I also would like to believe that even with these people we could find common ground in the fact that it is LESS THAN IDEAL to have boldly (and dangerously) incurious candidates who lack any discernible qualifications other than their ability to use SMALL WORDS, and who campaign on a platform of hatred and bigotry, running our country, regardless on where they stand on the extension of the Bush Tax Cuts or whatever the fuck.