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Joaquin Phoenix Apologizes To David Letterman

Ugh. This whole thing has become so exhausting. I’m all for avant garde filmmaking and experiments in the constructs of selfhood and examinations of the insanity of celebrity. Especially in this era of world-ending celeb-obsession, it even seems healthy for someone caught up in that nightmare to have some fun with it and test the elasticity of its borders. But good grief with this fucking thing. First of all, it’s boring? It is so boring. It would have been kind of boring and a little sad if it was real, but now that it is not real it is just VERY boring and the sadness has transformed into annoyance. I can’t wait until this movie comes out on DVD so I can continue to not care in the comfort of my own home! (I heard one of the special features on the Deluxe Edition is that both Joaquin and Casey Affleck masturbate onto each DVD while looking at photos of themselves.) But more importantly, if you’re going to do something, fucking DO IT. If you’re going to mess with your public persona as some kind of artistic statement on the nature of humanity’s struggle with the forces of narcissism and the dehumanizing burden of over-attention, then at least MAKE THE STATEMENT. The fact that these two buttheads folded within the first five seconds of the movie being out is the real joke here. And then on top of that to keep waffling between whether or not they were offering the audience winking nods to the artifice of the whole thing (Yeah, we were a little! No, we never even thought of that!), it’s just nonsense. I seriously hope that this ends at least one of their careers. (Goodnight, Casey! Goodnight, rich man’s Dax Shepard!)

Part two of Joaquin Phoenix’s backpedaling garbage interview on Late Show with David Letterman after the jump:

“Can we talk about it privately?”
“Sure, we’ll go to one of your screenings.”

Ding dong. That was the best thing that has come out of this whole fiasco. Will someone please stab this thing in the side with a poisoned shiv? (Via BuzzFeed.)