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Teen Korner: Disney Blam! Ain’t Your Daddy’s Toonz

Yo Homeboys! And also homeyoungwomen!

Man, you know what I love? Paying attention in class and respecting adults who are just trying to help me! But you know what I love even more than that? CARTOONS! Don’t you guys just love cartoons? You know, just because you’re growing up and the hormones raging in your system are making you feel funny and your dad is going to teach you how to shave soon (or your mom is going to take you shopping for a bra), doesn’t mean that you can’t still be a kid, too. And being a kid means CARTOONS!

But the one thing I hate is OLD BORING STUPID cartoons. That’s almost worse than no cartoon at all. Then again, I also hate the idea of throwing a cartoon in the garbage. You know what they should do? They should take all the stupid cartoons that are so old and stupid and they should overdub them with a COOL DUDE saying EXTREME JOKES and then keep having him say “BLAM!” all the time, whenever someone gets hit in the head with a blunt object. That would be totally XBOX. What’s that? Someone’s already done that? And it’s called Disney Blam!? And it’s the best? No way, man, I have got to check that out. No diggity no doubts! Come on, gang, let’s get jiggy with these!

This is a real thing! This really exists! They show this on American television for children! So radical. So BLAM! (Via @TimHeidecker.)