The Wiseausaurus

The Wiseausurus roamed what is now known as Southwestern North America during the Triassic period. This ferocious creature is best recognized by its ropy body that seems sculpted out of rotting clay, and its long witches’ wig. It subsisted on a diet primarily of whiskey mixed with vodka and birthday cake. Had humans been alive at this time, they might have been both amused and baffled by the great Wiseausaurus’s nearly incomprehensible roar. “What kind of roar is that? Where is that roar from? Is it made by, like, a computer built by aliens that’s input settings are all fucked up?” For recreation, the Wiseausaurus played a form of primitive football. The mating ritual of the Wiseausaurus was disgusting to witness, and revolted any dinosaur who was unlucky enough to catch a glimpse of it.

There are some who believe that there are still Wiseausauruses roaming among us, while others insist that the Wiseausaurus never existed in the first place. These people claim that it was too weird, and that it’s horrifying body and ridiculous head were physically impossible. The debate rages on!

Click through to enlarge. (Image via SuperPunch.)