Don and Peggy are interviewing a young man who wants to get into the advertising game. Good luck, kid. Don is not impressed with his work. For one thing, his whole book is just a variation on the same slogan. But also he has mixed in torn out pages from magazines of other people’s work that he finds inspiring. Haha, classic rookie mistake. “Don’t you ever tear pages out of magazines?” the kid asks. “Sure,” Don says, “but I don’t put them in my book.” Wait a second, do you really tear pages out of magazines, Don Draper? Somehow I am having a very hard time picturing him sitting on a couch with a magazine and going “ooooh!” and then rip rip rip. But he probably does do that. Hahaha. I can see him now! Don goes into Roger Sterling’s office and is like “good joke with that kid,” and Roger is like “you have to hire him because of how my marriage works,” and then they talk about how they were nominated for a CLIO. Cool. Can’t wait to see the famed 1965 CLIOS made dramatic and real.
Oh wait, FLASHBACK!
Roger comes to visit Don at the fur store to buy a fur for a lady friend. Don is like “this fur is really nice, but also have you considered this fur?” He is a good salesman! Their clothes and hair look weird! It’s probably 1920. Around 1920, for sure. Roger sees an advertisement on the wall and is like “who did your advertisement” and Don is like “I did that, I am sort of an advertising hobbyist,” and Roger is like “it really sucks. It’s horrible.” I don’t know, it doesn’t seem that bad. He gives Don his card so that Don can deliver the mink stole, and then he goes to have sex with his lady friend. JOAN!!!!! HI, JOAN!!! Remember when Roger and Joan used to be sweet on each other? Those were the days. The roaring 20s, indeed.
Now we are at the CLIOS. Oh, they are just like I always pictured it! You know, in my minds eye, whenever I was reading a book about the 1965 CLIOS, or watching a documentary about them. Roger and Joan hold hands, and then Don and Joan also hold hands. Whoa. Take it easy, Don. Then they win the CLIO! Good work, Don and everybody. Good work, Duck Phillips.
Don is getting pretty trashed. Slow down, Don. Pete tells him that the clients from Life Cereal are at the office, but he can just tell them to come back the next day. That’s a really good idea, Pete, because it’s 10PM and what are you even talking about? Were there no such thing as BUSINESS HOURS in the 1960s? Don insists that he is ready to do some advertising business. Uh oh. Needless to say, buddy is a real piece of work. He is so drunk and falling all over himself. He gives a terrible, thin parody of his famous “Nostalgia” speech from season one. He should definitely rent Season 1 on DVD and watch that scene again, because he’s fucking it up. Then he starts rattling off campaign slogans like a SLOB. The guys are like “uh.” Eventually he lands on a slogan that they do like, but whoops, he ripped that slogan off from the kid who was in the office that morning. Peggy mad.
Don goes back to the party without, it would appear, stopping at the hospital to have his stomach pumped. He tries to hit on that doctor, and she’s like, “uh.” Everyone is basically like “uh” when Don is around. I was positive that he was going to make time with her this season, but maybe I was as confused about things as Don is. Doesn’t matter, though, he gets it in with another one. But then it’s like VANILLA SKY all over the place, because suddenly the one girl is now another girl. Her name is Doris and she is a waitress or a stewardess or some other kind of service industry professional whose job requires a nametag. Betty calls and Don is two hours late to pick up the kids and doesn’t he even realize that she and Henry have an important BRUNCH to go to? Don calls in sick on fatherhood.
Finally, Peggy, sick and tired of sitting in her bloomers around a hotel room all day with a guy who really is just a capital creep, comes to Don’s house and tells him that he needs to screw his head back onto his neck because this is getting out of control. Don is like “shut up, Peggy,” and Peggy is like, “no, YOU shut up, Don.” Don shuts up.
The next day, he hires the child prodigy and also can’t find his CLIO, but luckily Roger has it. Roger wants Don to thank him. Jesus, Don. It’s one thing to Vanilla Sky a couple of waitresses, but at least be thoughtful and considerate to the people you are close to. Don apologizes. You know, it’s almost as if Don’s relationship to this new kid is like Roger Sterling’s early relationship to Don. LOL just kidding. I’m sure they’re totally separate. This show is never subtle or interesting or puts any thought into anything at all, which is why it didn’t win any Emmys last night.
The final flashback shows Don and Roger waiting at the elevators. Don is like, “Hey dude! You hired me, dude!” Roger is like “I what?!” Because there was a time in our great nation when all business decisions were made during a blackout drunk. Which is good for these guys, because BOY do they like to DRINK and then SAY STUFF! These guys know what I’m talking about:
Next week: Betty shoots someone in the face! Pete tries black tar heroin! Sally gives herself a tattoo!