By now, you have probably heard about the incredible traffic jam occurring in China right now, but in case you haven’t, get ready to tear your face off just thinking about something. From NPR:
Bumper-to-bumper gridlock spanning for 60 miles (100 kilometers) with vehicles moving little more than a half-mile (one kilometer) a day at one point has improved since this weekend, said Zhang Minghai, director of Zhangjiakou city’s Traffic Management Bureau general office.
Some drivers have been stuck in the jam for five days, China Central Television reported Tuesday. But Zhang said he wasn’t sure when the situation along the Beijing-Zhangjiakou highway would return to normal.
Can you even imagine? What a fucking nightmare. And I don’t mean that in the casual, colloquial use of the term nightmare to mean “unpleasant thing that we all agree is unpleasant but that we also all recognize is ultimately reasonable and nothing more than a mild irritant and complaint-fodder for the day,” I mean nightmare like I can imagine falling asleep and having a dream about spending five days stuck in traffic and waking up and immediately making a doctor’s appointment for BRAIN MEDICINE because I’m drenched in sweat and my head fell off in the night. No more shellfish before bedtime, THAT’S FOR SURE. The point is: the world is expanding at a rate that the world itself cannot maintain, and the line between a civilization that laughs at 60-mile, five-day long traffic jams on the Internet vs a society that is currently stuck in an actual for real 60-mile, five day long traffic jam is razor thin. So we might as well find some happiness in this world wherever we can. For example, in dressing up chickens in tophats and coattails for the family calendar:
Your family better step its calendar game up. The Woodwards are making the Yous look the fool! (Thanks for the tip, Ben.)