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Goodbye, Jersey Shore

On last night’s episode of Jersey Shore, Ronnie and Sammi fought about their all-important relationship. The other girls finally decided that they couldn’t take it anymore (JOIN THE CLUB), but then took it some more for awhile. Sammi, too, decided she couldn’t take it anymore, and left Ronnie alone in a nightclub, only to go back looking for him two minutes later, but he drove off in a cab (he also called her a bitch) and she was done with him, until the next morning when they hugged. By the end of the episode, everyone agreed that Sammi was getting played for the fool. Some of them went to an Internet Cafe (AN INTERNET CAFE) and wrote an “anonymous” email to Sammi about what was going on. Really? They actually took the time to set up a fake account with a fake name that didn’t sound like a fake name they would drunkenly make up at an Internet Cafe surrounded by a camera crew and a gaggle of chattering producers? Of course, all of that is beside the point, considering the fact that the Sammi and Ronnie dramatic narrative isn’t nearly compelling enough to warrant any interest in the sub-narratives that offshoot it. MTV has really put all of its dramatic investment eggs in the Sammi and Ronnie basket, a basket that they moved out of the setting in which that basket even made sense, and that was a mistake, and that is why we must say goodbye. What else is there to hang onto? Brief, dull, interstitial glimpses into life at a gelato shop? Snooki’s turbulent telephone-based relationship with Emilio which we already know ended months ago? No. We are all adults here, and as adults, we must eventually cut our losses. At least for now.

Of course, as with everything else, we are alone in this.

The ratings for this season are way bigger than those for last season, and they’re increasing from one week to the next. Still not sure how last night’s episode did, I guess, but the first three were monsters. From Deadline:

Episode 3 of MTV reality juggernaut Jersey Shore’s second season last night set new all-time highs for the show: 5.5 million viewers and a 5.3 rating among persons 12-34. They surpassed the previous series high marks posted by the second season premiere 2 weeks ago, which drew 5.3 million viewers and a 5.1 rating in 12-34. This new record probably won’t last long either.

Huh? Why? I mean, I CAN understand people who watched the first season being mildly interested for whatever misguided reason in the sloppy, forced misbehavior of this gang of self-satisfied “stars.” But to come in cold, completely unaware of what this show used to be: where is the appeal? What do these people see that we don’t? Is their tolerance for boredom and half-lidded gazing at the nightly club-hopping of 24 year olds really that much higher? Apparently.

There is a chance Jersey Shore could win us back (and when I say us, I obviously mean me, but I am lumping you in here, because who wants to be alone?). Season 3 is filming as we speak, IN ACTUAL NEW JERSEY, and they’ve replaced the insufferable Angelina (who doesn’t even make a good reality TV villain, such is her worthlessness) with new blood, and so there is hope. Two of the cast members have been arrested in the past week. FINALLY. This Miami Beach adventure feels like a hastily put together, ill-conceived misadventure. We all make mistakes in this life, the difference is just that we don’t make everyone else watch our mistakes for 12 weeks, or whatever.

So, goodbye, for now, Jersey Shore. Just because your producers and cast don’t seem to have any idea what makes for interesting television or intelligent life decisions doesn’t mean we are equally incapable. We are plenty capable. Just watch and see how capable we are!