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This Normal Guy Has Some Important Information About Elves (Which Are Real) To Share With Us

“So jealous of this guy!” — Grizzly Man

To recap:

•Many of the elves in North Carolina are actually indigenous to Florida and California
•Elves like to be near water where the oceans meet the mountains (?)
•Elves enjoy privacy and are the shyest of all the nature spirits
•They are thin, as you have seen in the elf documentary Lord of the Rings
•THEY ARE THE UNICORN CARETAKERS, DUH GUYS
•Oranges and apples are very big with elves (also shish kebab, also CHINESE FOOD)
•One time this dude hung out with an upside down elf after paying him a copper for passage because he forgot to carry oranges around with him

Got it. Thanks, Bobby Tisdale! (Via @edithzimmerman.)