Lost Should Have Just Stayed Dead

So, when the final season of Lost is released on DVD at the end of this month, it will include an 11-minute bonus feature that explores life on the island when Hurley became the new Jacob, and will supposedly answer some of the fans’ burning questions about the roughly 17,000 loose ends left unresolved by the series finale. Sure. Although, if people were disappointed with the two-and-a-half-hour season finale, at the end of a 20 hour season (or whatever, math is for nerds) which was hyped as being the definitive resolution to a show so full of hairbrained mystery that it was never going to be resolved in a satisfactory manner in the first place, I don’t really know what people are hoping to get out of a sloppily cobbled together 11-minute DVD special feature about Hurley. Unless the DVD has managed to fracture the space-time continuum so that 11 minutes actually means 1977 years, this is obviously going to fall very, very short, like that time that airplane fell. Onto Boone’s face. And today, the first minute of the 11 has been released, and SPOILER ALERT WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO DISAPPOINTMENT ISLAND.

Incidentally, the one loose end that Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have always promised to resolve in the DVD special feature was the wonderful and fascinating mystery of the Dharma Food Drops (because that was definitely the dramatic and paranormal crux of the whole show, for sure, absolutely, and a very interesting thing that people still care very much about), and that is the one mystery that is resolved in this one minute clip, leaving the last 10 minutes for Hurley to make confused faces and hammy Star Wars references, and for Ben to adjust his glasses on his nose and ask why no one told him about something.

Neat. (Not neat.) This is the worst. It’s like a girl breaking up with you, and then drunkenly calling you in the middle of the night and EXPLAINING HOW THE DHARMA FOOD DROPS WORKED. Stay down, Lost. Don’t get up! Ref, call it. (Via iO9.)