Mad Men S04E02: Donald Draper Drank Too Much Juice And Kissed That Lady!

[This week’s episode of Mad Men has been recapped by Benji Meyer, a 10-year-old who lives with his parents in Ohio.]

My dad said Videogum wanted me to watch this show and I said no because I didn’t want to watch it but dad said it is on at 10PM and bedtime is at 9:30PM but dad said if I watch the show I get to stay up until 11PM so I said OK I’ll watch it and so I watched it. It’s so dumb! My dad says it’s really good but mom says dad just likes it because he likes the red-haired lady’s sweaters and dad said no he likes it because it’s about how the world used to be a better place and mom said oh, like, what, like, when black people were treated bad and women were treated bad and gay people were treated bad? And dad said no, that’s not what he meant and he told mom that she knew that’s not what he meant, but she said well then what did he mean, and dad just got quiet and I was so bored. Tom Hamilton’s dad took him to a monster truck rally last weekend, and they actually got to sit inside a monster truck in the parking lot and he has a t-shirt now that says Gravedigger, which is both of our favorite truck, which he wears every single day. Tom Hamilton gets to do that and my dad makes me watch this show about old people drinking too much juice and kissing each other like they’re in love and want to have a baby and get married and having a dumb job that sucks. When I grow up, I’m going to own my own videogame store like GameStop but better than GameStop because GameStop kind of sucks, but no one will be able to tell me what to do ever, not even my dad, who will probably work for me haha I’ll be his boss and he’ll have to clean up the store and I’ll boss him all around. Haha.

When the show starts these two kids are wearing funny looking clothes and shopping for a Christmas tree. They look like nerds. If kids looked like that at my school they’d probably get made fun of. Rodney would probably punch them in the face. He punched a girl in the face one time. I saw it. The principle made me come into her office and tell her what I saw, but I didn’t want to, because I didn’t want Rodney to punch me in the face, but eventually she did make me tell her, and Rodney got in pretty big trouble and I was sure he was going to punch me in the face but so far he hasn’t punched me in the face. This whole show is about Christmas or something, which doesn’t even make any sense. Hello, it’s July! Christmas isn’t forever from now. So dumb. Now they’re in an office or something. They have to take a test like they’re in school. I’m never taking any tests when I’m done with school. Some old man shows up and everyone is happy to see him because he’s so old and everyone is pretty old, they’re probably 100 years old, but then this old man is 200 years old. They ask if he wants some juice, but he doesn’t want any juice, so they drink the juice without him. Why doesn’t he want any juice, I asked my dad, and my dad said he didn’t want it because some people drink too much juice and they have to go to the hospital. My grandma was in the hospital one time. Her face was all puffy.

They have a Christmas party. I think they weren’t going to have one because it’s July but then someone said we have to have one because this one guy wants to come to a Christmas party really bad, so they had one. It looked so boring. People sat around and there weren’t any videogames or pizza I don’t think at all. This one guy showed up and everyone wanted to be friends with him, and then they all stood around and gave each other these looks like the way my mom looks at my dad sometimes right before I have to go to my room and I can hear them still yelling downstairs, fighting, like they think I don’t know what they are doing, but I do know. I know a lot more than people think I know. Also some boys go into a house and pour cereal on the counter and throw eggs on the ground. When the people get home to their house they see the cereal and the dad doesn’t even get mad. My dad would be so mad if he came home and found cereal on the floor and eggs everywhere. His face would get all red and he would stomp all over the place and my mom would be like Harvey! When his face gets red she says his name, which is Harvey, but when his face is normal she just says things like, honey, or Harv, or sweetie. It’s gross.

One guy dresses up like Santa Clause. It’s really funny. That part was really funny. Other old people had to sit on his lap and tell him what they wanted like they were little kids when actually they were, like, 100 years old. Hahaha.

Don Draper drinks too much of the juice and falls down. This lady takes his shoes off. Then another time he drinks too much juice and falls down again. He really likes juice! This other lady sits with him on the couch and then they start kissing and that’s when mom asked dad if I should really be watching this as if I don’t know all about it. Phil Handmann had a magazine and we looked at it two different times! Dad said she was right and he made me cover my eyes, but I still looked a little through my fingers and I saw dad seeing me doing that but he didn’t say anything and mom got mad and went into the kitchen and told dad she didn’t know why he was doing this anyway and he said doing what and she said you know what and he said no i don’t know what what is it that I am doing and she said forget it and he said fine. I don’t see what the big deal was, because after Don Draper kissed the lady, she went to the bathroom and then she left. OOooooooooooh. Big whoop. That’s what my brother Dave says. Big Whoop. He’s almost 14. The next day he gave her 100 dollars! Lucky. One time I found a 20 dollars bill on the ground at the mall outside the Lord and Taylor but mom said I could only spend five dollars of it and the rest of it was going to go into my college fund. If I had 100 dollars I would buy a PSP and a whole case of root beer, and I would give all my friends at school gum but I wouldn’t give people I didn’t like any gum at all.