Some Old Lorry To Replace Larry King

Piers Morgan, the Simon Cowell of America’s Got Talent, is set to replace Larry King on his CNN talk show. Cool? I actually watched a few minutes of America’s Got Talent last night for some reason. What is that show? There were two baby children break-dancing and afterwards Howie Mandel (sure) told them that it was too bad they weren’t grown men, because they could have any woman they wanted. EXCUSE ME, WHAT? Then Sharon Osbourne (again: sure) asked them if they were dating. No, Sharon Osbourne, they aren’t dating. They are five and ten years old, and also Howie Mandel already covered this territory. What is wrong with these perverts? Then there was a 900 year old woman who “hand-whistled” (whatever THAT means) the song “Hero,” and I mean, don’t get me wrong, we should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that makes us happy AND earns us a spot on a reality TV show that looks like it was ripped off a VHS tape of some old Czech Republic Government Run Network Programming. But afterwards everyone had to tiptoe around the fact that no one even knows what “hand-whistling” IS, but at the same time saying things like “I think you’re going to make hand-whistling huge in America.” So it’s a show about perverts and liars? Again, Howie Mandel (haha, sure) was like “I believe there is a place in entertainment for the offbeat and unusual.” I guess? And that place is “alone in the basement,” right? What is this 10,000 B.C. hand-whistler going to record an album? Give me a break. Piers Morgan didn’t actually say much. I think he told the break-dancing children that they were “mellifluous” or some British shit like that. Whatever. I did not watch Larry King Live and I will almost certainly not watch Larry King Live 2: Piers Morgan Drift. Of course, in England, Larry King Live is called Larry King Lav. (Gotcha!)