The Hunchback Of Notre Dame: Tokyo Drift

There was an article in the New York Times yesterday about how Wall Street is going through a hiring boom and doling out massive bonuses in anticipation of a robust recovery of the financial industry. This is, of course, disgusting insofar as they are the ones who precipitated our current economic crisis and the near total collapse of the global economy into anarchic darkness. So fuck them. Similarly, Hollywood is clearly having one of the worst summers in memory, with weekend after weekend seeing dismal garbage slinking into theaters, and yet, rather than apologize and learn from its mistakes, Hollywood is going full retard. Literally. From the HollywoodReporter:

Paramount Pictures has pre-emptively snatched up an original pitch from rookie screenwriters Willie Block and Jake Emanuel. The high-concept action-adventure story mixes original ideas with the framework of the traditional Hunchback of Notre Dame story. Though said to be in the vein of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, its plotline is being kept secret by producers Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Mark Vahradian of Di Bonaventura Pictures, where the concept was originally hatched.

Ugh. The framework of the Hunchback of Notre Dame (whatever THAT means) but with the spirit of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies? Cool. So, like, what, more roller-blades? Excuse me. I know that Roller-Blades is a trademarked brand name, and obviously the rights would not be cleared this early in the development process. More IN-LINE SKATES? This is such a terrible idea that it kind of makes me angry! As in the human emotion of anger! I wish I had a grave to roll over in. Scoot, Victor Hugo. I said scoot! Ow, you’re rolling on my noose.