Last week, I found myself at the precipice of an enormous crossroads. We were at the start of a long holiday weekend, and the new Twilight movie had just come out in theaters. The question, of course, was whether to cover this movie for the Videogum Movie Club, or whether to enjoy the long holiday weekend like an adult. In the end, I chose the latter. My weekend was filled with bills and responsibility. Let’s face it: the world does not need another grumpy anti-Twilight rant from some grumpy old man for whom Twilight was never intended. Considering that there was literally no way for this movie to surprise or delight me, and considering that this movie was already a huge success that did everything it is supposed to do for the audience for whom it was made, what would be the point of me wasting my and everyone else’s time “not getting it” like some “stupid grandlampa”? It is not as if I am confused why a thing that is targeted at 12-year-old girls does not appeal to me. I get it. It’s not supposed to. And so I propose that we say goodbye to this whole Twilight thing. At least for now. Forget it, Jake, it’s 12-Year-Old Girl Town, etc. Perhaps we can revisit the Twilight franchise together, as a family, when it reaches its thrilling conclusion in 2012, or whenever. But making fun of Twilight at this point seems like shooting a global teenage phenomenon in a barrel.
That being said, feel free to talk about your FAVORITE MOVIE EVER THAT YOU SAW FOUR TIMES OVER THE WEEKEND UNTIL YOUR MOM SAID THERE WAS NO WAY YOU WERE GOING TO SEE IT AGAIN BECAUSE FIVE TIMES WAS TOO MANY TIMES AND THE GOOD LORD KNEW SHE WAS NOT GOING TO DRIVE YOU TO THE MALL AGAIN BUT SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING EVER AND YOU HATE HER AND GET OUT OF YOUR ROOM in the comments of this post. TEAM COMMENTS.