She Is The Cat And She Is Here To Steal

Yesterday, the Internet was abuzz (classic Internet way to be) about a news story in which a young woman robbed a New York store with a gun while wearing a cat mask. Sure. The perfect crime. The reason that everyone was so excited, though, was not so much the thrill of a well-executed crime, but the New York Police Department’s artist rendering of the suspect:

Haha. That is a funny artist rendering! Today, FINALLY, we have grainy, blurry, impossible to see surveillance camera footage (via TheAwl) of the perfect crime as it is being perfectly conducted:

Whatever. Posting this video is literally just my cover story (short con!) so that my boss doesn’t get mad (“This isn’t catcrimegum!”) so that I can repost my favorite crime blotter story of all time. I have posted this story before, and I will continue to repost this story whenever I see an opportunity.

From the Michigan Daily:

Lightbulbs stolen by 11-year-old

The Department of Public Safety received a call on Friday stating that an 11-year-old child stole a light bulb from the Argus I building on West William Street, DPS reports indicate.

The caller said the boy, after removing the bulb from its socket, left the building and threw the bulb on the ground. When the bulb broke, the caller said the boy screamed “I am the cat and I am here to steal.”

Reports do not indicate whether the boy was apprehended.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to smash a lightbulb on the ground and scream “I am the cat and I am here to steal.”