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Teen Korner: Justin Bieber Reminds Us That We All Could Use “Somebody To Love (Remix Feat. Usher)”

Wazzzup coolios!

Yo cool dudes who know that drugs are a dangerous distraction from achieving your career goals and awesome girls who like a guy with career goals and also have career goals themselves: today I want to rap at you about something pretty important. Safe sex Love. I’m no talking about the love that you get from your parents, which is awesome, and you shouldn’t take it for granted, and you should respect your parents, because respect is dope. I’m talking about the romantic love like you see in the movies and hear in the songs. P’ZONE!

Your body is going through a lot of changes right now, and you’re probably feeling pretty confused. It’s all very exciting and very scary. Hey dog, I’ve been there, dude. And because you’re a little adult now, I’m going to treat you like a little adult, and let you know that the desperate search for everlasting love doesn’t end when you graduate. SoBe Pina Colada Lizz Blizz. That’s life, brosef. Broheim. Bromanator. It’s the same for everyone. Even my main man, Justin Bieber (whatup Justin Bieber fist pound!). Don’t believe me, XBox_92? Check this out:

Good luck on the BATTLEFIELD OF LOVE, teenagers. (And Usher.)

Ideally, if you are looking for that special someone, try to find an architecturally minimalist room of poured cement filled with a ceiling-mounted art instillation of fluorescent lights and/or blandly “Asian” (for some reason) CGI fire in which to do a choreographed dance routine with a group of professional dancers wearing matching Hot Topic outfits. Then you will have a woman three times your age with a creepy smirk permanently twisting her face lusting after you for sure. (Via Vulture.)