Duh Aficionado Magazine: Perez Hilton Belongs In Jail

Earlier this week, Perez Hilton posted upskirt photos of Miley Cyrus exiting a car, possibly without any underwear on, on his fun and interesting celebrity news blog. He was immediately criticized because of the part where Miley Cyrus is only 17-years-old, and he quickly took the post down (or hired his sister to take it down. Since she was the one who put it up in the first place. The point I’m making is dude doesn’t even write that garbage site anymore, he just IS garbage). In the wake of all this, the media is now suggesting that Perez Hilton might face jail time on child pornography charges because it is illegal to post photos of children (and let us not forget, Miley Cyrus is a child, no matter how many summer punk jamz she puts out). Oh man, could you imagine? Rarely do people who should go to jail actually go to jail. Perez Hilton going to jail would be the best thing since Joe Francis went to jail!

In response to all of this, Perez Hilton has posted the following miserable, unwatchable video:

Yikes! Someone should have told him that it’s never smart to be your own defense counsel. At the very least someone should have told him to rest his case. This guy! What a terrible guy! Look, the fact that he’s insufferable is barely his fault. God makes us in all shapes and sizes, and some of those shapes and sizes are total crap. But what is this video? Obviously, it’s not an apology, which isn’t surprising. “Asshole is as asshole does” — Morrest Lump. But if his argument is that it is OK to have posted those photos because she was wearing underwear (although I think in terms of child pornography litigation, the UNDERWEAR IS NOT THE KEY ISSUE) and because “she’s almost 18 anyway” (Perez Hilton, Attorney at LOL), then why wouldn’t you leave the photos up? Oh right, because you are a spineless coward. And because you’re making all of this up as you go along. That’s why. I forgot.

I know there is a very solid argument to be made for not giving horrible attention goblins the attention that they so desperately crave. I know that these Gollums feed off of negative energy, just like the sewer sludge in Ghostbusters 2, and that ideally we could starve them to death (“it’s going to take a little longer with this one!”) by simply ignoring them.

But also sometimes you just have to face the facts head on, and say “There are other people who live in this world. We also have a say in this.” Sometimes you have to cross the streams. (Call back!) (Go to jail, Perez Hilton!)

(Video via HollywoodReporter. You didn’t think anyone connected to this site actually visits did you?)