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Congrats, Racist!

Hallmark has released a racist greeting card for the graduating class of 2010. Says the NAACP:

Yikes! I haven’t felt this nervous since watching the Lakeview Terrace trailer. I mean, on the one hand, I suffer from as serious of a case of white guilt as any over-educated iPhone owner who grew up in a college town and was raised in a loving, middle class, Democratic household. That scene in the original Larry David HBO special that spawned Curb Your Enthusiasm in which Larry turns to Jeff Garlin and asks why he always gives black people a head-nod in greeting instead of just saying “hello” SPOKE TO ME. As readers of this website have been quick to complain about for some weird reason, seriously, like I don’t know what is wrong with you guys sometimes, but I’m pretty open to the argument that we live in a color-coded world divided by perpetual and insidious racism, which can be found everywhere you look, but especially YouTube.

And yet:

It seems weird to me that the NAACP is complaining about a talking card saying the word “black holes,” which isn’t a euphemism for anything, I checked UrbanDictionary and everything. And “black holes” fits pretty neatly into the card’s insistent theme that this particular graduating class is going to take over the moon or whatever, which, incidentally, as someone who has graduated from both College and ADVANCED COLLEGE (ladies!) is a card that I would have found particularly silly and patronizing as in both instances I had no job upon completing my studies, or at best I had a job working at a coffee shop. But it was different back then. The war had just ended, and milk was free. Nowadays I guess the universe needs to watch its back? Because some college graduates got a talking card that filled them with ideas.

I know that some people claim to have heard “black whores” but I’m pretty sure that when the card says “Hey, Saturn, we’re going to run rings around YOU,” the card probably doesn’t go on to say “and look out black whores.” Huh? Weird card! At the very least, I would hope that a COLLEGE GRADUATE would be able to contextualize the audio of his crappy greeting card.

If anything, the NAACP should probably be complaining that the card’s main characters are named HOOPS and YOYO, because I don’t even know why a greeting card needs to have names for its “characters” in the first place, but if it does need to have them, certainly HOOPS and YOYO is at the very least, MILDLY INSENSITIVE. But, of course, the very idea of making the suggestion that I might have a better grasp on this fiasco than the Los Angeles chapter of the NAACP makes me wear a whore I MEAN HOLE in my worry stone.

To be safe, let’s just pull this entire blog from the shelves. I think that would be best. (Thanks for the tip, Jay.)