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The Oceans Are Filled With Oil, And CBS Unveils Its New Fall Shows!

Upfronts week is winding down, as most of the major networks have now completed their presentations of new television programs for the Don Drapers of the world. Meanwhile, oil continues to pour into the ocean at an alarming rate. In midtown Manhattan, rich people in suits are showing each other their bleached teeth in practiced rictuses of deference and “respect,” over lavish trays of lox, and bottomless mimosas. Meanwhile, down in New Orleans, the fragile wetlands that provide the city natural protection from hurricane season face extinction as they slowly turn black with ancient ooze. LOLOL. The world is a funny place!

After the jump, some trailers for CBS’s new line-up of shows, including two new sitcoms: Two and a Half Shits My Dad Says, and Two and a Half Mike and Mollys:

Shit My Dad Says

Hawaii Five-O

The Defenders

Mike and Molly

Blue Bloods

Both Blue Bloods and Hawaii Five-O actually look pretty decent. I mean, I am definitely not going to watch either of them, because life is short, the world is doomed, and the sun is shining. But they look kind of good. Hi Jin! Hi Scott Caan! Oof, but those two sitcoms seriously make me want toButterfly Effect my own fetus. Yuck.