Hey Look, Racists, FOX Presents Its Fall Line-Up

The television upfronts continue to take place in New York City this week, and I continue to not know what those are. Hugh Laurie is there? Is it Hugh Laurie’s birthday? Someone get Hugh Laurie another glass of champagne, please! Of course, yesterday we were talking about how NBC faces the nearly insurmountable challenge of pleasing a nation of terrified racists huddled in their dirty bomb shelters. Not as easy as it sounds! But, of course, all of the networks are faced with this uphill battle. It’s like they always say, you can please some of the racists some of the time, but you can’t build a 300-foot-high-electric-steel-fence on the border with Mexico and the nation of Islam fast enough for all of the racists any of the time. Meanwhile, oil continues to pour out of a hole in the ocean at a rate that starts to make you wonder if the ocean itself is going to just be pure oil soon, and although it is 2010 and we can make the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park look incredibly lifelike, still no one knows how to stop this oil, and you turn to The Boy and you are like GET THOSE BLANKETS INTO THE CART, WE ARE GOING TO NEED THOSE TO COVER OUR HEADS AGAINST THE FALLING ASH. So I think we all wish the FOX network luck as they enter the fall season with a slate of new comedies and dramas!

Running Wilde
Raising Hope
Mixed Signals
Bob’s Burgers

I am really looking forward to Bob’s Burgers and have nothing but high hopes for Running Wilde. The other comedies are less appealing to me, although at least they are not a racist nightmare from the Land Before Time like that Outsourced shit. (Are you kidding me with that shit, NBC?) But those dramas look hilarious. I’m pretty sure that clip from Ride-Along played before Tropic Thunder. FOX also has a new buddy cop dramedy starring Bradley Whitford and Colin Hanks called The Good Guys, but a) I couldn’t find a high enough quality clip to post, and b) I heard a story yesterday about how that show was basically STOLEN from a man named Jason Mantzoukas who made a virtually identical pilot called Off Duty (starring BRADLEY WHITFORD!) for Comedy Central and when FOX liked it but couldn’t buy it, they just made their own. With the same lead actor. If this is true, I seriously hope that Hollywood falls into the FUCKING OCEAN. And if this is not true, I just KIND OF hope that Hollywood falls into the fucking ocean. Gross town! Bad town!