Who Should Be Conan O’Brien’s Next Band Leader?

According to CityPages, Max Weinberg has been fired as Conan O’Brien’s longtime band leader and will not be coming with him to his TBS show. Admittedly, they only have one source for this information, which is Al Kooper from Blood, Sweat and Tears. Sure. It’s late in the day late in the week, so let’s just run with it. I’m going to go ahead and file it under OFFICIAL NEWS THAT IS DEFINITELY ACCURATE right now. As Kooper explains it, the rest of the band will more or less stay on, it is only Max Weinberg who is leaving:

When asked if the whole band was being replaced, [Al] Kooper said: “No, not at all. That’s the only change. But I mean, there was a lotta conflict because of Springsteen. So now he can play with Springsteen whenever he wants.”

Ouch! Have fun at Springsteen, Max Weinberg!

Of course, Conan still needs a bandleader, right? It’s 2010. You can’t just not have a bandleader. You definitely have to have one. If you didn’t have one, people would turn on their TVs and be like, “I’m turning off this TV. It’s 2010!” So, who should it be?

Justin Bieber

Conan appeals to a younger audience than some of his fellow late night TV hosts. Bieber would be a way to really connect to that youthful audience. Also, Justin Bieber should probably lock down a full time job with health insurance while he still can.

Kevin Eubanks

Have you ever heard of revenge sex? Well this would be revenge band leader. (The point being: revenge.) Since Eubanks is reportedly leaving The Jay Leno Show, now would be the perfect time for Conan O’Brien to hire him as his bandleader. Of course, Jay Leno’s band is kind of awful, and I think Kevin Eubanks is leaving the show he is currently on because he doesn’t want to be a bandleader on a late night talk show anymore, but that’s all semantics. (I’m sure I am using “semantics” correctly.) And to see the look on Jay Leno’s face! I mean, we would never see it. It’s not like he would cry during his monologue. But maybe some intern would describe his face on their Tumblr right before they got caught and fired.

Keyboard Cat

Admittedly, he is dead. But if we can over that hurtle, I think you will agree that there would be no one better to PLAY PEOPLE OUT. Get it? You get it. That’s his whole thing. Now do you get it? Let me know if you get it or not.

The Kid from the Hit Stix Commercial

We know he can play, and he’s gotta be hungry for work. There just hasn’t been that much need for a talented Hit Stix session musician in the contemporary music scene. UNTIL NOW.

Betty White

Since so much of Conan’s outpouring of support during the Late Night Wars came from the Internet, perhaps he should give something back by hiring Betty White as his new bandleader. The Internet loves her for WHATEVER UNFATHOMABLE REASON, and Internet gets what Internet wants these days. Can she even play music? Who cares. Just start a Facebook group called Betty White Is The Best Musician and no one will know the difference.

Good luck to all of the potential new bandleaders that I just made up who may or may not definitely be replacing Max Weinberg who may or may not have been fired in the first place.