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Teen Korner: Twilight Engagement Rings, So One Day You Can Marry Someone Who Tackily Encourages Your Miserable Obsessions

OMFGICBIYG,

Are you dying because Twilight: Eclipse isn’t out yet? Are you just DYING? Do you sit up at night wondering why the world is so unfair and doesn’t make any sense and why people seem completely bent on punishing you just for wanting something more than any human being has ever wanted anything in her life?! Please know that life does get easier, and that as you get older you will find your place in this world, but just because life is easier and you’ve found your place doesn’t mean that Twilight: Eclipse is out any sooner. WHERE ARE WE, IN HELL?

While we wait in this LIVING NIGHTMARE, we should just focus on more pleasant thoughts. Like, oh my GOD, did you guys hear that you can now buy an engagement ring that looks just like the engagement ring that Edward is going to give Bella SPOILER ALERT in Twilight: Eclipse? And that it was designed by Stephanie Meyer herself? I KNOW, RIGHT? Who wouldn’t want a husband who opens the door to your new life together with a cheesy symbol of a half-literate children’s sex-fantasy series, designed by a woman who is apparently blind?! Dream for the stars and you might just dream on the moon! Photo of the ring after the jump, ladies. Brace yourselves, and remember: it’s normal.

AHHHHHHH WOWWWWWW WOWOWOWOOWOW AHHHHHHHHHH!

“I want to marry a mythical creature but I guess I will settle for a human with equally terrible taste.” — You

A description of this beautiful and classy piece of jewelry that is the definition of beauty and class from TresSugar (via ONTD):

You can only marry Edward Cullen in your fantasies, but now you can ask your real life lover to propose with the same ring the vamp gave Bella Swan. The ring, which author Stephenie Meyer and Infinite Jewelry Co. co-designed, made its big debut last Friday in the latest trailer for Eclipse. It matches the description from the book:

“The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold — delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds.”

Now you can get it for as low as $35, but the real diamond version sells for $1,979.

Man, that is one of the ugliest rings I have ever seen in my life (and trust me, I have seen A BUNCH of rings, no jewelo). Also, aren’t engagement rings supposed to be for adults? Are adults buying these? Adults, stop buying these! The only time I would accept seeing this ring on a woman’s hand is on an episode of MTV’s Engaged & Underage. In which case I would be like, “sure.”

Also, why do they offer the ring in silver if the book describes the ring as being made of gold? “I have a near slavish devotion to the Twilight series, to the point of wishing I could marry fantasy creatures played by British teenagers, and wanting to mark one of the most important relationships in my entire life with a horrifyingly ugly symbol of a juvenile detachment from the real world, but I hate the way gold looks.” What?

Anyway, good luck, kids! Remember that marriage is all about compromise, vampires aren’t real, and “I’m a werewolf” is never an excuse for domestic violence, regardless of what your favorite book says.