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What We Talk About When We Talk About What We Missed Over The Weekend

Oh man, you guys, so last Friday was the first day in a really long time that I spent barely any time on the Internet. I checked my email once or twice, but that was IT. Did you know that there is a whole world of people out there who are not worried about who is or is not on IM and who has or has not seen the latest video of two Harvard students doing a fake rap about Lost, or whatever? It’s so weird! Anyway, the point is I had a very nice and relaxing few days of STAYCATION (thanks to the secretary who invented that word), but now I am back, and we, or at least I, have some catching up to do. After the jump, I’m cleaning out my closet, like how Eminem does but with less hatred towards my mom (Hi, mom! I love you, mom!). These are just some things that you probably saw on other websites already because you were not outside, JUST ENJOYING LIFE (barf, but also seriously):

So, Saturday’s episode of Saturday Night Live was kind of the worst. Ryan Phillipe and Ke$ha? It’s like TV lost a bet. That being said, there were two sketches that were actually great, and both of them are pretty much tailor-made for fans of this website in particular, and so even though there will be no full Saturday Night Live post this week, we can still enjoy their Shake Weight parody:

And their “parody” (although how can you parody a parody) of the Insane Clown Posse’s “Miracles” video:

Isn’t a volcano just an angry hill?

Meanwhile, guess who is back (and while you are at it, guess who is so mad):

The great thing about the new CopperCap video is that he wrote a YouTube description of what his video is about, and it’s basically a whole other video. Bonus Rant!

Before you read what i have to say know that i was gone for 3 weeks for spring break and i WAS having a good time, i made a video about it as soon as i got back from vacation which i was going to post today, until one of my only TRUE friends showed me south park’s NEW episode and he showed me that SOUTH PARK WAS MAKING FUN OF US
AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I.. will post the video i recorded after i got back from spring break later on today or tommorow..I WAS in a good mood, but not now.. This is fucking ridiculous.. ABSOLUTELY ABSURD IM SICK OF THE VIOLENCE AND HATRED BEING SPEWED TORWARDS MY RACE!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I WILL NOT HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU MUST STOP THIS PLEASE SOUTH PARK
I’M BEGGING YOU DON’T MAKE FUN OF GINGERS AGAIN!!!!
IT WILL RECREATE ALL OF THE PAIN WE’VE SUFFERED
AND MORE HATRED TORWARDS US AGAIN!!!

THIS IS A DIRECT ATTACK TORWARDS THE REDHEAD COMMUNITY AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE HEARD WHAT I HAVE HAD TO SAY BUT YOU DO NOT LISTEN!!!!
OPEN UP YOUR DAMN EARS SOUTH PARK!!!! YOU’RE THE CAUSE OF KIDS IN SCHOOLS BEING BULLIED AND PICKED ON
ALL ACCROSS THE WORLD!!!! I MEAN NO HARM ALL I’M TRYING TO DO IS PUT A STOP TO THIS VIOLENCE
THAT YOU STUPID ASSES HAVE CREATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU HAVE MADE US THE EVIL ONES AGAIN !! WE ARE NOT EVIL!!!!!!
YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

South Park is Destroying the morals of the Youth and Poisoning the minds of our generation with hate..and I for one am not going to stand by and watch my people become stereotyped again.
South park,
you disgust me.

I know that this rant basically lays out CopperCab’s entire political philosophy, but I didn’t pay attention to almost any of it, because I was too distracted by the question of WHO GETS THREE WEEKS OF SPRING BREAK? That is too much spring break.

Meanwhile, The Onion, in a rare movie, issued a straight-forward serious news report with no jokes in it:

And David After Dentist’s Dad cleaned out HIS closet and posted this rare outtake that absolutely no one needs because it’s 2010 and the world moves forward not sideways, David Before Dentist:

Uh oh! Mousepad sales must be falling off.

And finally, down at the bottom, underneath the laundry, is the slightly NSFW trailer for Big Tits Zombie 3D:

Oh, and Nicolas Cage bought this PYRAMID TOMB to bury his ridiculous body in.

R.I.P. Nicolas Cage.

Now, let’s move forward.

(David Before Dentist via BuzzFeed, Big Tits Zombie 3D trailer via Vulture, Nicolas Cage tomb via TMZ, and thank you for the tips, werttrew, Maria, Andrew, and meg.)