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Gwyneth Paltrow Is An Awful Quotes Factory

As we all know, Gwyneth Paltrow is a Bad Ideas Factory (built out of solid gold and the bones of orphans), and she is also a Condescension Factory, and a Self-Entitlement Factory. But today they finally cut the ribbon on her brand new Awful Quotes Factory. Obviously, she’s been tinkering with saying terrible, terrible things for some time, but it is only now that things are up and running that she can really start producing the awful quotes at FULL CAPACITY. Here she is in this month’s Harper’s Bazaar (via People):

“When you’re having dinner with your kids and your husband and someone says something funny or you’re dying laughing because your 3-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn’t matter what else is going on,” she says. “That’s real happiness.”

Aw, but Gabe, you are saying, she is right! Family is important, and more valuable than material wealth or social status. OK, sure. But it is one thing for us to say that, human beings, it is another thing for a fucking millionaire movie actress married to an international pop star to say it. “It doesn’t matter what else is going on.” Haha. Right. By “whatever else” you mean banking millions of dollars and starring in Iron Man 2 and traveling the world in luxury class? “It could be anything, from being in a movie, to promoting a movie.” It’s also nice of Gwyneth Paltrow to remind us that IN ADDITION to having wealth and fame, she ALSO has a nice family. There is nothing that you have that she does not have. Besides HUMILITY. Someone needs to build a Shut Up Factory and put this fat cat out of business. (Thanks for the tip, Yael.)