That’s Your Boyfriend: T-Pain

“Mom, dad, I know that it’s taken you awhile to open up to my boyfriend, T-Pain. You’ve been worried that if I was going to date someone in the music industry, with all of its unsavory temptations, and the stresses it puts on a serious relationship, what with the touring and the fan worship, that you would like me to at least date someone in the music industry who was actually talented. And I guess you had a point. But this isn’t about musical talent, or lack thereof, it’s about me being in love with a man. A man named T-Pain. And he loves me back. I think that has been hard for you to see before. But I really think you’re going to understand how powerful our bond is when you watch the video for his new song, “Reverse Cowgirl.” Dad, I really think you’re going to like the slow motion shots of wine glasses filled with cherries smashing against a reflective surface, just like how T-Pain smashed my you know what. And mom, I think if you close your eyes and just listen to the lyrics, you’ll realize that despite his Ringmaster at the Black Eyed Peas Circus exterior, he is really a 12-year-old boy who just learned the silly sounding name of a sex position from the back of a magazine he found in a dumpster behind a drugstore at heart. It’s after the jump, mom and dad. Enjoy.” –You

“Break up with him!” — me. (Via Vulture.)