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Who Wants To Be A Millionaires?

This guy is called the Lottery Guru, and as you will see, he is clearly very rich and has definitely got millions of dollars in the bank. He also has a ton of tips for how we can all win the lottery, and he shares them in this video, I guess as a charity. Lord knows, for the Lottery Guru, it’s not about the money at this point. Holy cow. I am really excited about this, you guys. It’s going to be awesome to be so rich.

What are you guys going to do with all the money that you are definitely going to win by following these super useful tips? I’m going to buy a hover-mansion in the nice part of space. And a PT Cruiser, FULLY LOADED. And an Apple iPad. And a special garbage can that is just for throwing away my Apple iPads. And then I’m going to become a philanthropist.

Most of my donations are going to go to our nation’s malnourished newspaper fact-checking departments. Because seriously, nation’s newspapers, 60% of lottery drawing numbers being reported incorrectly (a fact that I am sure the Lottery Guru has right) is way too many percent. We need to get our nation’s newspapers reporting the lottery drawing numbers with at least 60% ACCURACY.

If I win the lottery this week, which I am assuming I will, based on this video, I believe that I can get the inaccuracy/accuracy proportions of our nation’s newspapers’ reporting of lottery drawing numbers inverted by the year 2013. That should give us plenty of time, right? UH OHHHHHH.