Happy Leprechaun 3 Day!

Today, of course, is St. Patrick’s Day, the most wonderful day of the year. Many people love it because it gives them an opportunity to wear novelty clothing like the women in the secretarial pool, and people look upon them with less shame and disdain when they vomit on the sidewalk in the middle of the day. But most importantly it’s the day that everyone watches their favorite Leprechaun movie! Right? Sure. That is definitely not a thing that I just made up this morning and it definitely isn’t super culturally insensitive at all. Now, a lot of people will claim that Leprechaun 1 is their favorite, and remind you that it was Jennifer Aniston’s first movie role. This is true, but liking Leprechaun 1 best seems like a failure in curiosity to me. The only way you can like Leprechaun 1 best is if you haven’t seen the others. For one thing, it takes itself way too seriously. And for another, it makes way too much sense. It is the hilarious absurdity of the Leprechaun series that brings people back. Similarly, though, people who tell you that they like Leprechaun In Space or Leprechaun In The Hood (or Leprechaun Back 2 Da Hood) are just trying to show off. Because those movies are REALLY terrible, and no amount of self-aware placing of the Leprechaun in archly-silly scenarios is going to make them any better. I am willing to accept Leprechaun 2 as one’s favorite Leprechaun because Leprechaun 2 does feature Leprechaun getting drunk to the point of his telekinetic powers being “wobbly,” and having to sober up at a cappuccino bar. And because he’s Leprechaun, you can imagine, HE NEEDS A LOT OF CAPPUCCINOS! Haha. Also, there’s a go-kart race.

But the true aesthete knows that the very best Leprechaun movie is Leprechuan 3. And here are just a few of the reasons why:

Leprechaun 3 opens in a pawn shop in Las Vegas where a man with an eyepatch and a wooden leg (AN EYEPATCH AND A WOODEN LEG) brings in a Leprechaun statue wearing a giant medallion. Later, it will turn out that the medallion is magic and turns the Leprechaun to stone. But, uh, we have never heard of this medallion before. And the second movie certainly didn’t end with the Leprechaun being turned to stone. THERE IS A WHOLE OTHER MOVIE BETWEEN LEPRECHAUN 2 AND LEPRECHAUN 3 JUST WAITING TO BE TOLD.

The pawn shop owner releases the Leprechaun (duh) because he is greedy for the medallion (oh pawn shop owners!) and the Leprechaun hits him with his sheleighly. Knowing that he needs to learn a lot about leprechauns and fast, the pawn shop owner digs through his desk drawer frantically until he finds what he was looking for: a CD-ROM about mythical creatures! Luckily, there is a very informative chapter on this disk about leprechauns. But it might be too late.

Did I mention that the Leprechaun speaks entirely in limerick? Surprisingly, this is the only movie in the series in which this is true.

The hero of the movie will eventually get bitten by the Leprechaun, and of course we all know what that means: HE IS SLOWLY BECOMING AN EVIL LEPRECHAUN. Uh oh. Well, you can’t argue with science. (At one point, he will go to the hospital to try and find out what is wrong with him, and his EKG reading will be in the shape of leprechauns, which is how you know this is pretty serious.) But before that can happen, he is going to end up at the only run-down casino that would allow the movie to film there. He would love to try his hand at gambling, but he’s not old enough, and the only money he has is the check that his parents gave him for college for ALL FOUR YEARS OF HIS TUITION, HOUSING, BOOKS, AND SUPPLIES along with a letter that just says GOOD LUCK AT COLLEGE, SON. It’s definitely a tricky situation, but he works it out.

And let’s just say that there may or may not be a Vegas nightclub magic show performed by a leprechaun. There is just no way to be sure whether this is true or not.

I’m not going to give the whole movie away, because that would spoil this wonderful holiday. But I do have a gift for you. You can watch Leprechaun 3 in its entirety on-line HERE. It’s a Leprechaun 3 Day miracle!