Videogum

That’s Your Boyfriend: Bob Barker

“Oh baby, you know what it’s like! It’s part of the job, and my job is one of the reasons you were attracted to me in the first place. What? I’m not saying that! I’m not saying that, you know I’m not saying that. But you can’t sit there and tell me that you don’t enjoy the kind of lifestyle we lead. Well that’s all I was saying. There are perks that come along with being a celebrity and the host of a popular television show, and those are perks I’m happy to share with you, hell, that I wouldn’t want to share with anyone else. But so you can’t get upset when my job requires me to practically rape someone, verbally. It’s just showbiz, sweet thing! You know, if anything, it’s to get the contestant and myself properly framed in camera to make sure that viewers at home can enjoy the show, and to keep things moving smoothly, and sure, OK, I put a little of the Barker shine on there, I give it a little Bo Bar goose, a little Bobby B English. You can’t hate me for that. What? When do I say that to you? Well, did you ever think that when I said it to you it was because I really wanted you to stand a little closer to me, because I love and respect you? Oh so now you know everything about how to frame a two-shot for a TV show I guess, huh? Well give me back my handcuffs before you leave if that’s how you’re going to be. And I need that set of lawn furniture back, too, it’s a package deal, sweetheart. That’s right. Well fuck you, too, little girl.”

(Video via Via FourFour, quote via your boyfriend, Bob Barker, who you date for real.)