“Best Picture” Oscar Nominee Cocktail Recipes Are FOR DISASTER!

Speaking of the Oscars, Entertainment Weekly has put together a list of cocktail recipes for all of this year’s Best Picture nominees. That’s a fun idea. Except wait a second, isn’t one of the nominees a movie about the addictive horrors of the Iraq war, which our country happens to still be fighting at this very moment? And isn’t another nominee about hitting Nazis in the head with baseball bats? Oh, don’t forget Up, which is a movie FOR (DRUNK) CHILDREN. Admittedly, this would still be a great idea if the recipes were jokes, but these are real recipes! And my favorite has to be the Precioustini, based on a cocktail by Sapphire, or whatever they’re calling this thing:

THE PRECIOUS Recipe (makes one drink):
1 1/2 oz. vanilla-flavored vodka (suggest Smirnoff)
1 1/2 oz. unsweetened pineapple juice
2 tbsp. cream of coconut
3/4 oz key lime juice
Ice cubes
Lime slice
In a cocktail shaker, combine vodka, pineapple juice, cream of coconut, and key lime juice. Add ice; cover and shake until very cold. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with lime slice.

YUM! And thank you for suggesting Smirnoff vanilla-flavored vodka, Entertainment Weekly. I definitely get the sense that you just really care what kind of vodka I drink in your hilariously ill-conceived cocktail recipes. If I were to buy a different kind of vodka other than Smirnoff brand vanilla-flavored vodka, I would be almost as miserable as the lead character in the movie on which this drink is based, I bet. So good looking out! But there must be a typo in this recipe because there is absolutely no reference to how many ounces of tears and/or father’s semen (suggest Rape) go into a cool and refreshing “The Precious.” Please post a correction to your website before Sunday so that I can enjoy this delicious drink while watching the Academy Awards! (Thanks for the tip, Howard, and thank you for the wonderful and appropriate drink recipe, Entertainment Weekly.)