You Wish The Quarantine Rapper Was Your Boyfriend

Christian Van Vuuren has been quarantined with TB in a hospital room for 63 days, so he made this song (via Vulture) to keep himself occupied. Talk about a viral video! (Boooooo! Get off the blog!) This is fun, though. It takes a little bit to really get going, but stick with it. He has fun.

You wish Christian Van Vuuren was your boyfriend. “He is clever and he makes his own fun. He’s got neat tattoos and he’s soooo sick. If he was my boyfriend, I would take care of him all the time. I would wrap him up in a blanket and I would sing songs to him and rub his lips with ice chips. If he was my boyfriend, I would call him “my little patient,” and we would be in love and talk about what kind of pony he wanted when he got out of ‘hospital.’ I’m from America, but if I were dating Christian VaVuuren I would start referring to ‘the hospital’ as ‘hospital’ because it just sounds more sophisticated and he, Christian, my boyfriend, I wish, would appreciate my attempts to assimilate to his culture.” That is you. That is what you say.

But he is not your boyfriend. This is your boyfriend.