Instant Shit List

The guest list for Jay Leno’s first two weeks as the returning host of the Tonight Show have been released. Instant shit list!

Monday, March 1 – Guests include Jamie Foxx, Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn and a musical performance by Brad Paisley
Tuesday, March 2 - Guests include Sarah Palin, Olympic snowboarder Shaun White
Wednesday, March 3 – “Jaywalk All-Stars” with the cast of Jersey Shore, Chelsea Handler, Olympic speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno and a musical performance by Avril Lavigne
Thursday, March 4 – Guests include Matthew McConaughey and Jason Reitman
Friday, March 5 – Guests include Morgan Freeman and Meredith Vieira

Monday, March 8 – Guests include Simon Cowell
Tuesday, March 9 – Guests include Christoph Waltz, Animal Expert Dave Salmoni and a musical performance by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
Wednesday, March 10 – Guests include Kristen Stewart and Guy Fieri
Thursday, March 11 – Guests include Dana Carvey and Kim Kardashian, with a musical performance by Colbie Caillat
Friday, March 12 – Guests include Dakota Fanning and Judd Apatow

Look, I’m mostly joking. I know that we all need to put food on our families, and even if Jay Leno is a denim-skinned Nightmare Monster whose veins pump pure ego and who has an entire staff of Ivy League educated lawyers working around-the-clock to figure out how exactly to take an airplane hangar full of obscenely expensive antique cars with you into the after-life, the World of Showbiz still has rules by which everyone must play, and you can’t seriously fault anyone for trying to promote their next rent check via an asshole’s show on an asshole network. Nem is Da Rulez. But Sarah Palin on his second night out of the gate? FILE UNDER: FUCKING PERFECT. If there is a rare miss here for Mr. Leno, it is only that he could not book Palin for the FIRST episode. (Via USA Today, thanks for the tip, Mark.)