Man: Honey, what happened to the cat?
Woman: Oh, she is gone.
Man: What do you mean, she’s gone?
Woman: Well, I gave her that Friskies you bought on Sunday, and she just started tripping balls super hard. She ran around the room in circles for awhile, foam building up in the corners of her mouth, her eyes open so wide I thought they’d fall out of their sockets. And there was just this deep, prehistoric noise emanating from her. Then she laid on her back and started scratching at the air frantically, just thrashing. Meanwhile, she was opening and closing her jaws crazy fast and somehow I swear her teeth got sharper. It was actually pretty terrifying. And then she died.
Man: Oh my God.
Woman: Yeah, I was going to wait for you, but I didn’t know what time you were getting home, so I just said a few words in her honor and then flushed her down the toilet.
Man: This is really unexpected.
Woman: Yeah. That Friskies you bought on Sunday is crazy.
Man: No kidding.
Woman: There’s a little left in the can. Want to try some?
Man: It will be just like college!
(Thanks for the tip, Jim.)