Videogum

The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Robert Pattinson Pillow

Sometimes, on Valentine’s Day, a boyfriend or girlfriend will make a terrible joke, like, “I wish every day could be Valentine’s Day!” But what they don’t realize is that for the lonelies who hate that day, every day kind of IS Valentine’s Day. You know what I mean? What I’m trying to say is, oh look! Someone on Etsy has made a lifelike Robert Pattinson body pillow. Some might say TOO lifelike. Obviously, we know what the person who is buying this pillow is thinking. They are thinking: “regardless of the fact that I may be far too old for my romantic fetishization of an adolescent actor portraying a mythological metaphor for sexual anxiety, I still feel what I feel, and this is my bedroom, where I am safe, so I am going to do what I want as long as it makes me happy, or at least temporarily eases this dark and pervasive abyss that is my experience as a human being doomed to wander the Earth.” But WHAT IS THE PILLOW THINKING?!

The winner of the contest will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, which is the second best thing to being turned into an actual stupid lamp. (Image via TheDailyWhat.)