That’s Your Boyfriend: The Movie

This is a trailer for a “movie” that someone is supposedly making called Dimitri The Lover about that dude who left the voicemail message heard ’round the world. NSFW language, so headphones UP.

The second worst part about this, after the part where that dude actually exists, is the fact that no matter how gross this “movie” (and I am still not convinced that the word “movie” really applies here, nor am I convinced that Dimitri didn’t make this himself) makes him look–no matter how much of a Real Life Sex Criminal who belongs in Actual Goblin Jail–you know he is so proud of and so PUMPT for this. Like, here is a sample conversation:

Dimitri: They’re making a movie about me, man.
Friend: Sure, Dimitri, but the movie depicts you–pretty accurately–as an oversexed, obscene, genuine human nightmare who is despicable.
Dimitri: Whatever, bro, are there any movies about you?
Friend: Well, no, but there are also movies about Hitler and Hurricane Katrina. I am not convinced that having a movie about you automatically makes you a good thing. In fact, especially when it comes to documentaries, there is a long tradition of making movies specifically about the horrific things that no one–
Dimitri: –I’m probably going to choke to death on pussy I’m so fucking famous right now.
Friend: I can never remember why we are friends.

Word for word, probably. We really need to be more careful about feeding the nightmares, World.