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Kirstie Alley Is Almost As Busy As She Is Fat, Says Kirstie Alley

Oh man, this is THE BEST. I love that this trailer opens with Kirstie Alley rubbing her lip and then smearing frosting on the glass. Her body is just made of frosting now? I thought so, but I did not have the proof! I also love that she thinks this show is called Big Life because of how busy she is with projects. Right! You got it, Kirstie Alley!

Obviously, there are lots of great things to laugh at and have a good time with about this trailer, like that whole section where Kirstie Alley loudly and proudly talks about how she doesn’t want to just be loud and proud. (Uh oh, I think a loud and proud imposter has been writing her Twitter feed! Twitter, check that authorized feed!) Although the part when Kirstie Alley’s son says that she doesn’t sugar coat anything is just mean, because some lies reveal the painful truth. (Kirstie Alley sugar coats EVERYTHING.)

Just as a quick sidenote to Kirstie Alley, though: it’s one thing to build an entire career out of histrionically complaining about the dramatic fluctuations in your weight that you are not actually working that hard to control because without them you would literally have been forgotten years ago, but at least get your facts straight. Because your show is definitely not the first show where we get to see the “in-between” of weight loss. We get to see that in ALL THE OTHER AWFUL EXPLOITATIVE GARBAGE REALITY TV SHOWS ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS. Case in point, here is the photo of Fat Kevin Federline (that is the clever nickname I came up with when he got fat, and I have yet to hear a more clever nickname for him) that has been circulating on-line all day:

You would think that with all the cake going into Kirstie Alley’s mouth, fewer LIES would come tumbling out. Anyway:

WE ARE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER DVR. (Pun intended, based on this show’s premise, thematic content, and also title.)