Duh Aficionado Magazine: This Girl Is Not A Werewolf

Clearly, there are still a lot of questions that remain to be answered in the open case regarding the disappearance of a dog named Rigby and the possibly criminal actions of one Wolfie Blackheart (very real name. Very legal name). Whether or not she played a role in the dog’s death, or if there is anything illegal in one girl’s self-taught approach to the art (art!) of taxidermy, is for the authorities to determine. (Although, nice editorializing, Channel 5 News Team, with the very interesting and important b-roll footage of a travel mug with a skull and crossbones on it lying in the weeds. Very newsworthy. Very journalism.) But one thing is certain: she is NOT a werewolf. Yes, I know that she claims that she is a werewolf, but I urge people not to take her seriously. The reason that I know she is not a werewolf is because WEREWOLVES DO NOT EXIST, and if they did exist, SHE WOULD HAVE A LOT OF MUSCLES AND NO SHIRTS.

P.S. That’s your sword. (Via Arbroath.)