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Dear 2012, Leno To Host White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Dear, 2012,

Last night, the Washington Post delivered some bad news:

White House Correspondents Association has picked this week’s most unpopular stand-up comic Jay Leno be the keynote speaker at this year’s White House Correspondents Dinner.

In fairness, the association asked Leno weeks ago — when he was just the host of a primetime show that was failing five nights a week.

Obviously, we live in a sad and cruel world that is spinning wildly out of control. Everyone knows that. And it’s not like the White House Correspondents’ dinner is actually a thing that matters. It is a light and flippant event intended to ease the constant tension between the media and the political subjects that the media, as if somehow we are all in agreement that that tension needs to be eased? (We are not all in agreement.) Especially over the past decade or so, this annual night of lobster and “jokes” has seemed like a cynical distraction from a world that is on fire. We are enmeshed in two wars amidst the rubble of a collapsed economy (and a collapsed Haiti), so let us not pretend (although so many will pretend) like the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is a thing that matters. These guys know what I’m talking about:

Personally, I am more interested in ending my perpetual dysentery than I am in the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. But maybe that is just me!

But all of that being said, JAY LENO?! Ugh. The article makes the point that perhaps the White House Correspondents Association wouldn’t have chosen him if they had known he would become such a “controversial” figure right before their dinner, but I am not sure that is important. It’s not like Jay Leno just became the worst. He has been King of the Worsts for YEARS. Did you hear what he said last night on his garbage show? This is what he said:

“I have chosen to stay on the Titanic. I don’t believe the iceberg is that big, the biggest ship, this ship will never sink and Kev…when it does, Kev as it’s sinking you will play us…you’ll be here for us so. Apparently we’ll be back on ‘The Tonight Show’ March first after the Olympics, so that’s pretty much where we are.”

Jay, you fucking idiot, you’re not staying on the Titanic. YOU ARE THE ICEBERG.

It is bad enough that he is a ratfink (A RATFINK! In prison Jay Leno would be a snitch) with little-to-no moral check on your wildly outsized airplane hangar full of cars ambition. But to be so disingenuously “humble” about it, while at the same time being publicly UNGRATEFUL, which is really an impressive combination of NIGHTMARE ATTITUDES. Yuck.

The worst part is you just know, YOU JUST KNOW, that he is going to make a joke like “don’t worry Mr. President, I’m not going to take your job away from you. Yet!”

Jay Leno is a crap.

The point is, 2012, we are ready. Please come get us.

Sincerely,
America