Bear Grylls Gives Himself An Enema. The End.

On tonight’s season premiere of Man Vs. Wild, Bear Grylls gives himself an enema “for hydration”. Sure, Bear Grylls. I’m sure at parties Bear Grylls is like “I just need to rub this cocaine on my dick for CIRCULATION.” Dude is constantly rubbing cocaine on his dick at parties. In the desert. Anway, the clip of Bear Gyrlls giving himself an enema (for hydration) is a key marketing tool for the show apparently, so it is now available on-line and after the jump.

What this means, of course, is that we don’t have to watch Man Vs Wild. This is it! What else is going to happen? “I’ve used these leaves to keep the sun out of my face.” What? “I’m using the horizon to orient myself and I’m going to find a rockface in which to build a small fire.” MEH VS. SNOOZE. It is all downhill after the enema. That is what Bear Gryll’s tombstone says.

Enema after the jump.

Why is Bear Grylls water so dirty? “Obviously, the water in your canteen is mostly feces.” Uh, speak for your own canteen, Bear Grylls. The water in my canteen is CRYSAL CLEAR. This guy knows what I’m talking about:

Also, I can’t help but look at that closely cropped image of Bear Grylls floating on a homemade raft without thinking of this. That water could be three feet deep and have a bartender waiting just off camera with a mango daiquiri on a silver platter for all that I know. It’s called Hollywood, and it’s a liar. I like to believe that this is real, though. And that Bear Grylls just had to give himself that feces-water enema. You know, for hydration.

Next week on Man Vs. Wild: Bear Grylls is forced to eat part of his own face because of mountains.