Everyone loves parties! Especially fun parties with attractive people enjoying themselves responsibly. So there is nothing worse than finding out about a really cool party after the fact. Boo! Did you think I would ruin your party? I won’t ruin your party! I’m great at parties! After a party, people are always like “who is that guy? He was definitely at the party!” Well today we learn that in fact there were two fun parties, and none of us were invited. One of the parties was thrown by Kid Cudi and MGMT and Ratatat at some kind of cool bar that I bet is really cool inside and that I would have loved to check out and just see what it was all about. And the other party was thrown by the Young Money Crew with Lil Wayne and Drake at what looks like a pretty fun beach house with a pool and everything. Thanks a lot, jerks.
Wait a second, was Drake at BOTH PARTIES? Good for him. I hope he had a lot of fun. Also, why did Josh Hartnett produce Kid Cudi’s party? Nevermind, sorry. I know that questions are for INVITED GUESTS ONLY. Speaking of invited guests: there weren’t even that many people at the beach house. It’s not like it was so crowded. There would have been room for us. That’s fine. DULY NOTED, YOUNG MONEY CREW. We’re going to have our own party, and the Young Money Crew is no longer invited. And Drake is double-not invited. You’ve had enough parties, Drake! Leave some pizza for the rest of us!