Look Out, Monopoly: The Movie, Battleship: The Movie Is The New Crazy!

A couple of weeks ago, we learned about the plot of the upcoming Monopoly: The Movie, which as you may recall, is going to be CRAMAZING. A dude gets in an argument with his friends over a girl (very important plot point, btw) and wakes up the next morning in Monopoly Town, and has to buy coffee using Monopoly Money! Pretty powerful Iraq War parable if you think about it. Also: evil Parker Brothers who are actually brothers? And are the mayors of Monopoly town? I don’t know. You can’t know. I feel very confident saying that no one working on that project has any idea what they are talking about, so how am I supposed to?

Well look out, that insane movie based on a board game, because here comes some news about a potentially EVEN MORE INSANE movie based on A DIFFERENT BOARD GAME.

So, movie website CHUD went to a press junket with Peter Berg, who is directing Battleship: The Movie, and who supposedly wanted to get some details about the movie out to curb rampant internet speculation. Uh, sure, I guess, except THESE DETAILS ARE BONKERS!

Oh, just to give you some important background information to help you decode what exactly Peter Berg is talking about: the movie is going to feature ALIENS. Because of course it is.

  • The alien race is known as The Regents. They will be a combo of actors and CGI; Berg used Davey Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean as a reference point.
  • The aliens aren’t on Earth to take over or destroy us. They’re trying to build something because they’re in trouble, and they need a power source. But they will kill anything that gets in their way [ed. note: DUH!].
  • The Regents don’t have super technology. Their weapons are ballistics-based. While their boats are inserted into Earth’s atmosphere through flight, once they get to the water they stay on the water. [Ed note: “their boats”? Alien boats!]
  • We’ll get to know The Regents. [Ed. note: :)!]
  • While the movie is set in the modern day and features the most cutting edge naval tech, a WWII element comes into play.
  • Aspects of the game will be in the movie. As you know, the whole point of Battleship is guessing where your enemy has his ships, and sinking them. The Regents will in some way render the Navy’s high tech inoperable. Falling back on old school methods, our heroes must track and destroy the alien fleet with whatever tools they have, including trial and error. Just like in the game. [Ed. note: just like in the game! It will literally FEEL like you are watching a game of Battleship, in real time.]
  • This is more strategic warfare. Again, since the alien tech is not unbeatable or far beyond our own, and since Berg wants to reflect the game, the battle won’t be about our Navy fighting an unstoppable opponent but rather about two evenly matched groups out-thinking one another through strategy.
  • Someone will say ‘You sank my battleship!’ in the movie. [Ed. note: SPOILER ALERT!]
  • Expect Battleship in IMAX. And Berg is also thinking about shooting some sequences in 3D.

Obviously, as one of the co-creators of Friday Night Lights, Peter Berg has earned a “free pass,” and it looks like he is going to be cashing in that pass! I love how the movie doesn’t even start filming until spring. Got 2 get tha word out!

I’m already waiting outside of the Fandango store. “OPEN! OPEN! OPEN!” (Thanks for the t, Tyler.)