Yo cool dudes who want to find a career that is as much about their passion as it is about making money, and even cooler young women who know that the road to the white house is not paved in complaining, today I want to rap at you about togetherness. If the box office receipts for Twilight New Moon over the past couple of weeks have taught us anything, it is that when teenagers really get together behind something, someone’s going to make hundreds of millions of dollars. MEGAbass! There is strength in numbers, and there is also the reward of feeling a little less alone in this world. Plus, DID YOU SEE TAYLOR LAUTNER’S MONSTER BODY? I WISH I WAS A STUPID LAMP!
Speaking of feeling a little less alone in this world, I think you guys are really going to dig this new website I just discovered. It is very very groovy. It’s called My Life Is Twilight, and it’s just a place where you and other Twilight enthusiasts (I wish there was an easier way to say that, but there isn’t) can share the ways in which your life matches your favorite movies of all time. It’s pretty cool beans. Sorry, cool beanz. Haha, sometimes I forget!
Here are some pretty relatable examples from this totes bodacious website of how all of our lives are just like a terribly written book about paranormal abusive relationships:
- “Today I asked my boyfriend if he would hold ice to his lips for a minute before he kissed me, so I could pretend I was kissing Edward. He did. MLIT”
- “I learned songs about the Confederacy so Jasper would love me. MLIT.”
- “In the ninth grade biology class I teach, there is a boy named Ed and a girl named Bella. I have paired them up for every lab assignment we have had so far in this year in hopes that they will get together. I even asked my supervisors permission to hold a blood testing day. MLIT”
Whoops! I think that teacher has to go to jail now? For using his teacher powers to try and force children into fucking each other because he has bad taste in things? In any case, I made up a few of my own examples, because at this point, whose life ISN’T Twilight? Right, Muppet Babies?
- “It’s impossible for me to have a normal relationship with another human being because all I want to do is fuck a monster because of how confused and alone I feel. It is kind of scary how sad I get most of the time. MLIT”
- “I got a ticket for turning left at an intersection where no turns were allowed. I wish that instead of having to go to traffic court I could go to the magical Volturi Vampire Court. Maybe they could kill me! I wish I was dead! MLIT”
- “The other day, I got so mad at my girlfriend that I scarred her face for life LOL! You know how it is when you get mad. MLIT”
This website is great! It’s just a really cool ranch reminder that we live in a world full of regular, super normal people who aren’t terrifying at all! (Thanks for the tip, Caitlin and BJ.)