CNN Reports The News Like Adults

After more than 50 years, the United States Postal Service, whatever that is, is canceling its popular “Letters to Santa” program after it was discovered that one of its Santas in Maryland was a registered sex-offender. Yikes! So naturally, at the collapse of a national institution in an ever-changing world, CNN reports the news like adults–adults who can’t get through a sentence without laughing for some reason.

This segment really has it all! An incredible chyron (“Santa letters to be shredded”), an interview with a self-important mayor of a jokeball town who apparently thinks he is Ambassador Christmas over there, references to volunteer workers as “elves” long after it was necessary to keep pretending that they are elves and not HUMAN BEINGS, and, of course, some good old fashioned cable news fear-mongering. I mean, setting aside the fact that we have absolutely no idea what this sex-offender’s sex-offense was, nor how long ago it was committed, and setting aside the fact that nothing actually happened, since he was simply volunteering and then was discovered and then the program was shut down, I still think this holiday season all parents should be concerned that their child might one day write a letter to Santa and then be ABDUCTED BY SANTA. Thank you, CNN, you brave group of intelligent grown-ups! (Thanks for the tip, Becca.)