Tim Allen: Comedian, Actor, Director, Graphic Designer

Not only does Tim Allen star in a new movie called Crazy on the Outside, he also directed it! He’s a director now! People in Hollywood are like, “this is a safe place to invest our millions of dollars.” People in Hollywood are like, “we’re gonna need a greener light!” But based on the poster for Tim Allen’s new movie, Crazy on the Outside, which looks GREAT by the way, it would appear that Tim Allen is also in charge of the movie’s Photoshopping. How else to explain how incredibly awful this is other than that it was done by the incredibly awful person in it? (This paragraph is basically the Wikipedia entry for “Occam’s Razor.”)

Hollywood realizes that Photoshop has been around for thousands of years now, right? It’s no longer a room-sized machine that takes a crew of PhD scientists to operate. Children can use Photoshop now to make photorealistic images of themselves in modern, baggage-free domestic partnerships with Selena Gomez. And children could do a much better job than whoever (Tim Allen) did this.

And it’s one thing for all of the characters behind the door to be obviously Photoshopped, fine, but was it really necessary to even Photoshop Tim Allen’s face onto that 1993-body? He couldn’t make himself available for a half-hour photoshoot to promote that he stars in AND directed? No time! “Sorry, I’ve got to clean the cocaine residue out of my crepe-maker. Get a stand-in, and I’ll just MSPaint a self-portrait from my Friendster profile onto it in the middle of the night in five minutes between jerk-offs.” Tim Allen, you guys. American legend. American ARTIST.