NSFW: A Pornographer Wants To Make A Jaycee Dugard Movie, Because Of Course He Does

If the publishing industry were not imploding right now, I would probably walk right into Graydon Wenner’s office and pitch him an idea for adding UGH Aficionado magazine to Guy Snoozehouse’s illustrious line of Condor Nash publications. “I’ve already got the first cover story,” I would say. From the AP (via HuffingtonPost*):

SAN FRANCISCO – A spokeswoman for Jaycee Dugard says only Dugard and her family should decide when and if a film is made based on the 18 years she spent with the man charged with kidnapping her.

The statement came after Shane Ryan — the director of low-budget horror movies such as “Amateur Porn Star Killer” and “Romance Road Killers” — announced that he expected to start production next month on “Abducted Girl, An American Sex Slave.”

Ryan told Sacramento television station KCRA that he wants to focus on the relationship between Dugard and Phillip Garido, the man charged with abducting, raping and holding her captive in his backyard.

Oh, is that what he wants to focus on? The relationship between a brainwashed young woman and her rapist kidnapper? We’re gonna need a bigger pair of Bad Idea Jeans! Do you guys remember the part in 2012 when the world was destroyed? That was pretty smart. And something tells me that this pornographer does not have the one billion Euros necessary to purchase safe-passage aboard the government’s A.R.K.S. I’m not saying that he needs to die, I’m just saying if everyone dies he doesn’t need to be saved. There’s a difference!

*I love that the HuffingtonPost has the appropriately disgusted and dismayed reaction to this news story–as they should, we are all only human–but then still manage to post a “Who Should Play Jaycee?” poll for their readers. COOL POLL, GUYS!