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Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Can you guys believe that there is only one week left until TWILIGHT NEW MOON IZ HERE? It’s like all that anticipation, all those sleepless nights and sweaty palms, it all comes down to this moment. Well, not this moment, but next week’s moment. Obviously, I am joking. Twilight is for baby garbage clowns. But I’ve written about it so much these past few months that it does seem appropriate that I finally figure out what in the hell I am even talking about. So this weekend, in preparation for next week’s communal panic attack (you can have a panic attack about being TOO HAPPY, right?) I am going to watch Twilight. Oh God, what if I love it? What if I don’t come back Monday. What if I leave Videogum to start a Kristen Stewart angelfire fansite called Stew_Heads_69? Well, in the event that this is goodbye, just know that you guys were my favorite, until a terrible movie about teenage vampires as poorly-imagined metaphor for sexual confusion became my favorite.

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, and the Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5

You know what would’ve really classed-up this video?

This guy.

Posted by: KajusX in response to You Win, Lady Gaga
Score = 50

#4

The tree thought to itself, “Can you hear me, asshole?”

To which Carrie Prejean said “no.”

Posted by: KajusX in response to You Can Make It Up: People Tell Carrie Prejean What An Asshole She Is
Score = 63

#3

It really burns me up when people answer “No” to the question “Can you hear me?”

Posted by: dUb-iLL in response to Duh Aficionado Magazine: Carrie Prejean Is An Asshole
Score = 63

#2

Vendetta starts with a “V”!!!

Posted by: Jabberwocky in response to Best New Party Game 12
Score = 63

#1

…and the movie will not have an ending. the only way to stop watching it is to simply leave the theater.

Posted by: whoa! in response to Wait, Is The Monopoly Movie Actually Going To Be Amazing?
Score = 71

[Ed. note: a three-way split for second this week, and relative newcomer KajusX breaks into the top 5 for the first time with TWO comments! I’m trying to make this exciting. Is it working? Are you excited?]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

i don’t give a flying fuck what’s up with topher grace.

Posted by: woozefa in response to Hey, What’s Up With Topher Grace?
Score = -47

[Ed. note: to be fair to woozefa, this comment was followed by a thread in which he explained that he was just joking, and wished that his fellow monsters would lighten up. But I do think it’s kind of a weird joke. I mean, what’s the joke? That you don’t know how to capitalize proper nouns? My point is, I don’t think anyone’s holding any grudges over this (God, can you imagine someone holding grudges over an Internet comment? I just barf’d) and woozefa totally cleared things up, but you also kind of do deserve this recognition, woozefa. Because just very simply and clearly stating that you don’t care about something is not a joke. Ask anyone. Ask Robin Williams.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

Alex Borstein.

Maybe if would help if you saw her in an old MADtv era racist caricature??

Posted by: Electron.Rotoscope in response to Seth MacFarlane Tired Of Jeff Dunham Getting All The Negative Attention

[Ed. note: this is one of those “the more you know, bom-bom-bom-boommmmmm” editor’s choices. This comment was in response to someone who asked who Alex Borstein was. Of course, a simpler, more direct answer would have been “she is the worst.” Although to her credit, it’s hard to be the least funny part of MadTV. And the blatant, completely unnecessary racism was a nice touch.]