The Makers Of Saw Are Professors Business Over Here

Saw VI didn’t do that well at the box office this year for some reason*. But don’t worry, America, there are going to keep being Saw movies ))><(( for another two years (2012). Why wouldn't there be? From Reuters:

Indie Hollywood studio Lionsgate said on Thursday it was moving ahead with “Saw 7,” which will be in 3-D. [Ed. note: GREAT!]

“As long as we make money on it we’ll keep doing this,” Lionsgate vice chairman Michael Burns said at the Media and Money conference in New York, noting that such franchises tend to have a long shelf life across different platforms.

That makes sense. I mean, it is just smart business. Even if the movies are awful garbage, like literally garbage being placed on the curb of your eyes, we should just keep making them because who gives a faaaaaaaaaart. “What day do they come pick up the garbage from my eyes?” “Uh, I think that garbage is just going to stay there forever. You should at least move it to the back of your head.” “I can still smell it.” That’s a normal conversation. As the old saying goes, if it is broken and the worst but it makes money, why fix it?

Business is so neat!

It would be weird and hyperbolic of me to point out that the thinking behind the continuation of the Saw franchise is not dissimilar from the thinking behind slavery, and the Holocaust. “As long as we can treat human beings as animals, we’ll keep doing this.” “As long as we can keep putting human beings into ovens, we’ll keep doing this.” Gabe! Come on! That is outrageous! True. That was a step(s) too far. And I will apologize, just as soon as we can declare victory in our war of emancipation/liberation from the Saw franchise.


Hmm. We are going to have to work on our theme! I am not PUMPED enough!

OK, well, let’s just table the theme song for now! Let’s not get too wrapped up in the theme song!

*It could have been anything, really. I’m sure that it’s not because they’ve worn this franchise, which was never good to begin with, down to the awful, miserable bone.